So God created man in his own image,
in the image of God he created him;
male and female he created them.
28 And God blessed them. And God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it, and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over every living thing that moves on the earth. And God saw everything that he had made, and behold, it was very good.
Genesis 1:27-28, 31
In our fallen world romance and sex are not always the same thing. In our world, sex can be purchased from strangers for less than the cost of a fast-food meal or admission to a movie. In our world, sex is often simply an act, rather than just one movement in a complex, beautiful, continuous relational symphony. In our world, sex can be a stand alone act devoid of any commitment, compassion, caring, or consideration for the other person. In our world, sex can be completely selfish…and we can be fine with that. We use sex, or the allure of it, to sell everything from clothes and cars to cosmetics and cell-service.
These realities are tragic because God invented sex. He gave it to us as both a stewardship and a gift. To Him it is a holy thing…a blessed union between a man and woman who are committed to each other. He intended it to be the ultimate expression of unity and caring for the person to whom we have devoted our entire life. Sure, sex is the method through which we fulfill God’s command to be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth, but it also feels really good. It feels good physically, but in the context of a committed relationship, it feels good spiritually, psychologically, and relationally as well. Yep, we Knights need to know our Fair Maiden and please her in that area, but we’ll get back to that in a minute.
True Knights are all about romance, not just sex. Look in Scripture at how God pursues us if you want an example of what I’m talking about. The bible is 66 love letters in which God reveals Himself to us, opens His heart to us, crosses time and space to save us, risks hurt to love us, protects us, destroys our enemies, provides for us, speaks gently to us without condemning us, is patient toward us, sacrifices for us, understands our weaknesses, sees the best in us, and wants the best for us. If you perceive the bible to be a bunch of rules we can never obey and a bunch of unrealistic expectations we can never live up to, you’re mistaken. All of Scripture is God saying, “I know you will fall short, but I want to forgive you and have made a way for you to live an abundant, guilt-free life culminating in an eternity in heaven with Me. I want you! I love you! I have to have you! I’ll die for you if I must! I cherish you! I am yours and you are mine (only if you desire to be, of course) I won’t force Myself on you, I simply call to you and offer to love you forever!” Now THAT is romance!
Knights, we need to consider our Lady. We hone our romantic hearts and minds as we date and look for our wife, but when that marriage covenant is in place we need to keep perfecting our loving craft. When we pursue a Lady and catch her (or she lets us catch her) we need to keep pursuing her heart as long as we live. Consider her, know her heart, always do the things that make her knees weak and her heart melt. Make sure she knows you love her. Make sure she knows you desire her. That is easy in the first few years of marriage, but we tend to forget about those things the farther we get from the wedding altar. It is easy to take our spouse for granted and let the flames die down a bit. We Knights need to be intentional about romancing our Lady. We need to make it a habit and keep the fires burning. I can’t tell you how to do that with your Maiden, because each of them is unique. One way to pursue her is to continually learn her heart. You might even have to talk to her to accomplish this, but don’t be afraid. You can do it! You’re a Knight for Pete’s sake!
Now, a final few words on sex. The bible says we should keep the marriage bed undefiled. God is talking about more than fidelity here. He is also talking about the sanctity of our Maiden’s mind, body, and spirit. Sex needs to be about her. Your Maiden should never feel embarrassed, afraid, used, hurt, or disrespected. She should feel loved beyond measure, respected, desirable, beautiful, and perfect. Get to know what makes her feel those things and do it. Seek to please her and your pleasure will increase, too. We Knights get off on seeing our Maidens experiencing bliss. In marriage, great sex isn’t entirely about physical performance. It is mostly about relational intimacy. We Knights should devote ourselves to constantly increasing relational intimacy with our Maiden.
One more thing. I know we’re focusing on being tender, amazing lovers focused on pleasing our Maiden, but don’t forget to “take her” once in a while. Women love to be considered, but sometimes they just want to be desired. Make sure she is willing, of course. Knights NEVER take from their Maiden by force! But there’s something special when your Maiden knows you simply have to have her right now. Once in a while, while you are looking at your Maiden and you are overcome with her beauty, she’ll be thrilled if you walk up behind her, put your arms around her, and whisper in her ear, “I want you and I want you right now.” That sounds selfish, and sounds as if it is all about you, but it really isn’t. Your Maiden will be blessed by your unquenchable desire for her. Let her know she is absolutely irresistible and capable of dissolving all of you inhibitions and restraint. Now that is romance!
Compelling Word 